Quotes on humor

“So many books, so little time.”

Frank Zappa

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

Albert Einstein

“I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”

Bill Watterson

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”

Zig Ziglar

“What's up? I asked.You tell me, he said. You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian.It was an experiment, I said. It was part of my therapy.What the hell kind of therapy are you in?”

Richelle Mead

“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Neil Gaiman

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”

Ellen DeGeneres

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

Woody Allen

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?I'm always a girl I frown.You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girlI twirl my hair around my finger. Kay.”

Veronica Roth

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

Lewis Carroll

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy —the joy of being Salvador Dalí— and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things is this Salvador Dalí going to accomplish today?”

Salvador Dalí

“Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.”

Anna Godbersen

“It's just that in the Deep South, women learn at a young age that when the world is falling apart around you, it's time to take down the drapes and make a new dress.”

Karen Moning

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.”

Jim Henson

“God helps those who strut their stuff.”

Dan Sofer

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”

Scott Adams

“Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.”

Lady Gaga

“Don't go looking for boys in the darkThey will say pretty things thenleave you with scars.Do go looking for boys in the parkFor that is where the true gentlemen are.”

Anna Godbersen

“Can't you just like a girl who likes you back?''None of them likes me back. I may as well like the one I really want.”

Rainbow Rowell

“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”

Jess C Scott

“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

Dora J. Arod

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal. ”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. ”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”

Terry Pratchett

“I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”

Arthur C. Clarke

“If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.”

Terry Pratchett

“Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.”

William Goldman

“My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.”

Jess C Scott

“YOU FEAR TO DIE?It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break...”

Terry Pratchett

“I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.”

Dora J. Arod

“Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?”

Suzanne Collins

“Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.”

Sophie Kinsella

“I tried to contain myself... but I escaped!”

Gary Paulsen

“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”

Scott Adams

“I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.”

Nicole McKay

“I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.”

Michael Summers

“All art is but dirtying the paper delicately.”

John Ruskin

“Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.”

Glen Cook

“Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual.”

Gerard Way

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. ”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.”

Amy Summers

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

Mark Twain

“Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”

Henry Ward Beecherr

“What the hell is that? I laughed.It's my fox hat.Your fox hat?Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.Why are you wearing your fox hat? I asked.Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”

John Green

“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,Go throw your TV set away,And in its place you can installA lovely bookshelf on the wall.Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”

Roald Dahl

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

Charles M. Schulz

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”

Terry Pratchett
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