Famous Quotes by Mark Twain

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”

“Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.”

“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”

“There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

“Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ”

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.[]”

“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

“I can last two months on a good compliment.”

“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”

“Life itself is only a vision, a dream.Nothing exists; all is a dream. God--man--the world--the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars--a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space--and you!”

“The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.”

“When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.”

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”

“In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.”

“The weakest of all weak things is a virtue which has not been tested in the fire.”

“Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'.”

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.

The smell of rain on dry earth is one of the sweetest smells known to man.