Quotes on humour

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?”

Stephanie Lennox

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

Johnny Depp

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

George Carlin

“I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.”

Terry Pratchett

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”

Jess C Scott

“I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”

Derek Landy

“My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.”

Jess C Scott

“We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.”

Alan Bennett

“I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You'd be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavors.”

Björk

“FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.”

Stephen King

“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”

Jess C Scott

“Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait.”

Jess C. Scott

“V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.”

Jess C Scott

“Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”

Colleen Hoover

“My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me.”

Diana Wynne Jones

“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”

Terry Pratchett

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”

Dave Barry

“May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch”

Keisha Keenleyside

“Gaia visited her daughter Mnemosyne, who was busy being unpronounceable.”

Stephen Fry

“A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

“I don't deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.”

Douglas Coupland

“I'm not into this whole move with the times thing. I reckon we should just decide on a year and stick with it.”

R.D. Ronald

“Rockabye Baby, in the treetopDont you know a treetopis no safe place to rock?And who put you up there,and your cradle too?Baby,I think someone down herehas got it in for you!”

Shel Silverstein

“If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.”

Ilyas Kassam

“When the road ahead seems impossible, start the engine”

Benny Bellamacina

“Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else”

Benny Bellamacina

“Do you know where your breakthrough begins? Your breakthrough begins where your excuses ends.”

Patience Johnson

“Never say no to now”

Benny Bellamacina

“Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.”

Jon Wakeham

“For any given problem, if there's a simple solution it will already have been applied. So, perhaps, the solution isn't as simple as you think.”

Stuart Aken

“Always blow your own trumpet, blowing someone else’s is unhygienic”

Benny Bellamacina

“Question everything, unless it's the answer”

Benny Bellamacina

“If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”

Jess C Scott

“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”

Niels Bohr

“I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?”

Jess C. Scott

“Please, touch me, I pray.”

Jess C Scott

“Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.”

Stephen Hawking

“[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)”

Jess C Scott

“He'll have that scar forever.Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.”

J. K. Rowling

“I don't like good habits. They strike me as being so easily broken.”

Linnea Gelland

“Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly.”

Sharon Sant

“There’s always time for arguin’ when you’re a Fuentes.”

Simone Elkeles

“I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?”

Jess C Scott

“When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.”

Huntley Fitzpatrick

“I can accept a compliment, but not from you. You scare me, Mister Sampson. You’re a stranger here on our land and we shouldn’t even concern ourselves with you. But you killed three gunmen and ignited a war.”

Donald Montano

“Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that,” Garrett said gruffly. “You’ll have me convinced I’m going to die.”“You’re not?”

Maya Banks

“If I let you go are you going to hit me again?”“What do you think?”“Then I’m not going to let you go.”

Sarah Mayberry

“Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.”

Christine Feehan

“He needed to gather her up, hold on to her, anything to help her stop trembling. Something was going to shake loose if she didn’t.”

Tara Janzen