Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
— Al BundyIf you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
— Al BundyThe only reason I’m here is because I’m married to you, and I’m too cheap to get a divorce.
— Al BundyIt’s only cheating if you get caught.
— Al BundyDon't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each other.
— Al BundyLet me tell you something, men. It's all downhill after marriage. You might as well quit while you're behind.
— Al BundyI’m not paying for anything unless it’s fat, fried, or on a stick.
— Al BundyA fat woman came into the shoe store today. Must be a day ending in ‘y’.
— Al BundyI could have been somebody. I could have been a contender. Then I got a family.
— Al BundyWhen you’re single, you can eat what you want. When you’re married, you get to smell what you want.
— Al BundyInsurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
— Al BundyA Bundy’s place is on the couch, thinking about hard work, and how much he hates it.
— Al BundyPeg, if you want me to pay attention, hand me the TV remote.
— Al BundyI’ve always said, if you can’t beat them… beat them harder.
— Al BundyKids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
— Al BundyBundy’s Law: I don’t care if you’re five minutes late or five hours late, as long as you don’t come home.
— Al BundyYou think marriage is a word? It’s a sentence, a life sentence.
— Al BundyYou know, I had a life once. Then I got married.
— Al BundyI’m a salesman. I know all about rejection.
— Al BundyNothing says I love you like a new remote control.
— Al Bundy