Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.
— Billy ConnollyMarriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
— Billy ConnollyI've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
— Billy ConnollyThe desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
— Billy Connolly