“Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.”
— David Sedaris“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
— David Sedaris“If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.”
— David Sedaris“Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?”
— David Sedaris“At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.”
— David Sedaris“All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.”
— David Sedaris